Recently I’ve been on many self-harm blogs and I see all the desperation, confusion, missing knowledge, hate, cuts… everything I can think of, especially with all the pics of open wounds and scars, is “I’m so glad I stopped before it was too late and have learnt why I did all of that”.  I really don’t want to feel this bad again.

A lot of the people don’t know the origin of their suffering, or don’t want to because they are afraid. It’s important to learn that you body is not something to be ashamed of and that there actually is nothing like “guilt” that you need to punish yourself for. All those things in your head that you think (“I’m too fat”, “I can’t cope with the standards/expectations” etc)are only manufactured statements of a sick society that wants only your money.

I wish all those who think bad of themselves will one day realize that the others aren’t as perfect as we think they are. The ones who seem happy might just smile because they don’t want anybody to know they were hurt, too.  Just like the people on this blog do. You will never know for sure because all you see is the surface. Surely, there are people who are fine, but the world is not like this perfect image in TV.

Also, I only can suggest not to depend on others too much. That goes for family as well as for friends and bfs/gfs. It’s only natural for them to be confused and overextended by your doings, since they aren’t in your head, they don’t know your reasons and even if they really want to help you, you have to remember that they are only human, as you are. They will feel bad about your behavior, ’cause they care and it hurts them, too, to see you doing all this to yourself. And one day it might just be too much for them. Always remember, to achieve a real change in your behavior and perception you need to depend on yourself. Believe in yourself, stop judging yourself, feel the good parts of being alive. Isn’t the world turning? Isn’t the sun shining? Aren’t you breathing?

You need to find joy in the inconsiderable things that you maybe take for granted.

It’s also important to learn to recognize the desires of your body and soul. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s natural that you feel bad for not getting them.

You can trick yourself into obsession over self-harm, it’s really all in your own power of the mind.
You can also see the reality of it. That the one hurting yourself is you. You cut. You throw up. You. You have to take the responsibility for that. Don’t force it onto others. Don’t think “they don’t want to see it” when you are in fact hiding it from them.

I know it’s hard to face those things, I know from experience, but as long as you don’t step out of your comfort zone, it will always be a burden to you and nothing will change.

If others don’t seem to care about you, be the first to care about yourself. You will meet people who will understand you, who will love you even if you have scars, your body is not size zero or whatever you think you must be like. Because there is so much more to a person than their body features.

Respect yourself. Respect that you felt misunderstood. Respect that you did cut. Respect that it will always be a part of yourself. Respect that not everyone can understand it, especially if they’ve never been in your shoes, or known someone personally who self-harms. Respect that you want to get better and get professional help if can’t do it alone.

tonight is not a good night. idk what just came over me, but i do not feel okay at all. and i can safely say that if my brother and dad weren’t home tonight i would take all the pills i could find. i don’t like this feeling, it’s scary and i just want to shake it off

I’m not sure how long exactly I’ve been clean for (I stopped trying to count) but I know the last time I did it was some time mid April? It’s around this time though that I start to get really scared because the longest I’ve ever gone was no more than two months. I don’t want to let myself down again, but at the same time I feel so not me without my scars. I see the faded words and lines on my arm and it almost scares me how I feel the need to cut them in again. I don’t know…and the other night I was literally having a bit of an anxiety attack and I was so close to doing it again but instead I just kind of listened to my iPod and let the urge pass. I guess there’s no real point to this post. Just need to get my thoughts out.